


In the Shadows

by shellalana



Category: Warframe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Found Family, Gen, Loss of Control, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellalana/pseuds/shellalana
Summary: The Man in the Wall finds the key to open the lock on his cage. He just needs it to turn and align the tumblers for freedom.Too bad the guard is always watching.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	1. Red Zone

“We should put it down like the sad dog it is.”

I don’t know why I thought inviting Teshin Dax here was a good idea. After the confrontation with Ballas, I thought I could earn some sympathy, possibly mend a few broken ties and find some common ground for the few connections I have to stand on. I thought having others around - others like him - would instill in Umbra that he wasn’t alone. I thought it would be a courtesy, given that Umbra used to be one of them. Just goes to show how wrong I was.   
Teshin Dax stood in the quarters of my Orbiter, bronze metal and poised posture amidst the chaos of the room. No matter; I’m not trying to win awards for best upkeep. All of these trinkets scattered around the room were mine to show off if I wanted.

“Like I should have done with you?” I reminded him. His hand hovered over the hilt of his blade, ready to carry out his threat. It wasn’t too long ago that I had to rip the scepter from the Grineer Queen’s hands to sever his puppet strings.

This was never going to end, was it? One fight to the next, one other problem to deal with to keep my head on my shoulders. The exhaustion was starting to get to me.

Teshin scoffed with a baring of his teeth, his hand lowering from the weapon.

“He is my concern and no one else’s.” I interposed myself between them, the silent Warframe on his knees and waiting for judgment. Or meditating. Most of the time he’s so still, I can hardly tell what he’s up to.

But I knew what it was like to be disregarded and discarded, tossed aside when I was no longer useful. I knew what it was like to be ostracized from society for being different. I knew what it was like to be seen as an “it.”

“And I’m expected to leave the concerns of a Dax to a mere child?” Teshin stepped back. It was the first time I’d seem him smile but it wasn’t at all friendly. I should keep that staff onhand the next time he thinks to give me lip.

“ _ Once-Dax _ . No longer. Your help is not wanted.” Though he towered over me, I didn’t fear him. He knew better than to try anything: there were three in this room, not two.

Teshin scoffed again and turned to leave the ship. Where I’d sought help, I’d only found regret in asking. This was why I chose to mostly remain on the Orbiter. Things were just simpler this way.

* * *

A little mote. Flecked grey, pulsating white and black at the same time. She puts concerns into words. Vouches for me. They speak as if I’m not here, a mere thing to be placed on a shelf until a purpose has been found for me. I should’ve -  _ could’ve _ \- left. Cut them both down and been on my way. But this Mote has shown me the error of my anger. Understanding. A second chance. And I don’t mean to squander it.

The bladed man leaves, his insults meaning nothing. I am more than he. Spoiled. Corrupted. Mold-ed.  _ But more. _ He has his blade.  _ I still have more. _

I stand when she turns to face me, her neck craned up to look me in the eye. She chooses my sundered helmet, probably for this very purpose. I am the first beyond her other steel-skins. The first she has had in a long time. Another who sees instead of commands.

She nods and heads down the small ramp to her cradle. I follow, fists finally unclenching now that that Dax is no longer around.

Another. Another Mote, like her.  _ A Pretender _ . Only this one speaks through the ship instead of within, its eyes aflame with light.

Mote recoils, steps back. I can feel the fear pouring from her and my hand instinctively goes to my blade. We trade one rusty knife for another.

“Good job, kiddo. Show him you can bare your teeth. You’re more than he bargained for.”

Pretender looks at me -  _ through me _ \- and smiles. A knowing smile.  _ Ballas’ smile. _

My sword is through the Pretender, satisfaction ringing in my veins. Satisfaction that is quickly muddling with confusion. No blood. No scream. Not even the scrape of blade against bone in my strike. Simply… nothing.

Pretender laughs and  _ slides _ through my blade. An illusion. I have been made the fool.

“Go away,” Mote says through clenched jaw. It’s a strange thing to see them angry, to hear their anger. To think one so small so capable of it…

Pretender chides Mote with a “tsk,” waving a disobedient finger in her face.

“Is that how you treat the only person watching your back?”

“Bullshit. You’re just as cryptic as everyone else.”

Foul words from a pure soul. A conundrum, a stain on their existence. It will be cleansed later.

“Not as cryptic as you think. You’re just not looking between the words deep enough.”

Pretender fades, a pair of glowing pupils lingering in the air before they, too, are gone.

Mote huffs and storms off to their cradle. I follow in confusion but don’t question. She knows what’s best.

* * *

_ A dream shattered. Splintered mind images, like skull fragments floating in glass. Skewering through, poking holes in the veil She placed on their heads. What care do ants have for the giants that walk around them? _

_ What cares they should have when they’re about to be stepped on. _


	2. Lime Wrecker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Operator and Umbra have a little heart-to-heart; Man in the Wall shows up to ruin everything as usual, pulling the Operator towards the rabbit hole.

Moving to the RailJack was easy enough, given that there weren’t very many things to take with me. It was a warship by nature with a lot more space, but definitely not somewhere I’d consider a home. The engines were too loud, too big. I felt their reverberations in my teeth, and the air in here was tinged with the smell of ozone and whatever those charge deployments were made from.

I still didn’t know what pustrils were. Still don’t think I want to.

I found Umbra standing over the Reliquary Drive, his hands resting on the glass. I always found him here when I wasn’t asking him to do something for me. I couldn’t really blame him. After what we’d done to obtain the Railjack, the giant wriggling digit we’d animated to get things working, I was trusting this universe even less now. Thinking about it made my skin crawl.

[How long have you been standing there?] I gestured to him, his head finally turning when he caught sight of me out of the corner of his eye.

[Not long], he signed back.

I’d had to dig back into whatever archives I could find in search of alternative methods of communication. I couldn’t treat him as an empty meat suit. Umbra was sentient and I cared about his thoughts. He had needs of his own - other than murder - and we both likely needed someone to talk to after years of being alone. Teaching him sign language proved to be a lot easier than I expected. Or he was just a really quick study.

[And how can I tell if you’re lying to me?] I asked.

[You don’t.]

Was that humour? I didn’t want to read into it too much but I couldn’t help the slight warmth that washed through me at the prospect. That he was actually opening up. That the old him, the Dax before he became infected, was still in there somewhere. That his self hadn’t entirely died with his son.

[I know you’re concerned. But I have this under control.] I nodded towards the drive. He had every right to be worried, but I needed to maintain my footing. His worry could make me falter and I couldn’t afford to make mistakes.

[Do you? You have the stain inside you.]

I gave him a querical look.

He signed out the letters: KUVA.

How he could sense the substance inside me was beyond my comprehension. Dealing with the Queens was before his time. Only one person was there to witness my ingestion.

 _Two_. The Man in the Wall had been there too.

Had he told Umbra for some reason?

My brow furrowed and I shook my head.

[I’m fine. It’s not an ongoing thing. I’m not hooked on the stuff or anything.] I was sounding too defensive. Then I realized I wasn’t _sounding_ anything at all. My hands couldn’t exactly convey tone or betray me.

[As you say.]

The furrow deepened. I couldn’t tell what he meant by that and asking might seem too much like prying. Maybe I was reading too much into things. Maybe I just needed a break from everything.

* * *

The stain bubbles within her, like a fountain. Black and angry. I can sense it. Mote looks surprised when I mention it, the stain she carries with her. That confuses me even more. How could I _not_?

[As you say,] I reply. She knows best. Always has. Always will. Who am I to tell her differently? Who am I to command the one who saved me from my own anger, helped me drive my blade through that bastard’s heart? Who am I to argue with my saviour?

She knows best. I will bend to her will.

And yet Mote angers at my acquiescence to her words. As if I’ve disappointed her somehow. Does she want me to be contrary, to challenge her statement in some way?

Issah had that look once as a child. I suppose it is the same in all adolescents.

The temptation is there, but I quickly bury the drive to rest my hand on their head. Offer comfort. Take away her worries. That is not my place and would further condescend her, I’m sure.

A thump from the nearby casket. The finger mocks us.

[You need rest], I offer. Anything to get away from that glaring abomination.

The wrinkles between her brow smooth out and she blinks heavily. Today has taken a toll on her, I’m sure.

[You’re right], she replies and vanishes to her cradle, waiting for me to return to the Orbiter.

* * *

I found myself there again, by that tree. Whole and blooming. Another dream, a real one, without the Lotus’ influence. I tried not to conjure her voice to mind, what she would say about this place. She’d already laid out her true self to me.

The full moon was just behind the horizon and its bright beams of lunar light drew me into their peaceful embrace. I wanted to reclaim this place, to turn it into someplace positive, without all the anger and blood it had been tainted with. I figured meditating here would do it so that the next time Umbra and I connected, he would gain a new appreciation for it. A gift, of sorts.

It felt like I still haven’t done enough for him.

I settled into Lotus position and quieted my mind of the guilt. Someone else saw it fit to interrupt not long after.

_You think yourself so important, do you? Thinking one person can make a difference._

I opened my eyes to see myself there, floating on my side, my head propped up on one fist. That smile wasn’t mine, however.

“You again.”

_Always here, kiddo. I just get to choose when you see me. But you’re right. You can make a difference. Just not for the reasons you think._

“What do you want?” First on my ship, and now here? If he wasn’t getting on my nerves before, he was definitely trying to now.

 _Aww, don’t be like that,_ he pouted. _What’s wrong with friends checking up on each other?_

“We’re not friends.”

He tapped the side of his nose and grinned again.

_You wound me. And here I thought we were growing closer. It’s a good thing I don’t care what you think of me. Let’s get down to business, shall we?_

I scoffed and unfolded my legs, settling to the ground. I didn’t want to be caught unprepared if this turned out to be more than a “peaceable” meeting.

_Your Sweet Mother has betrayed you, left you alone to cry under the sheets at night. You’ve lost your most powerful friend. To the enemy._

I remained silent. He wasn’t telling me anything new so far and if I allowed him to ramble, he would get to his point eventually.

_To her brother, no less. Her true family. And you know what they say about family._

I didn’t.

_You can’t take on all those Sentients by yourself. An entire army of adaptive creatures who’ve seen the births and deaths of stars before you were even a thought. What are the chances you’ll come out of that alive?_

True enough, being on Lua had been difficult, dealing with the Battlysts and Conculysts so eager to cut me down. But things had become easier when-...

_You think Umbra will come back from that war in one piece?_

“No…”

My tone betrayed too much. The smile on his face. I’d given him exactly what he wanted.

All of that hard work I’d put into my relationship with Umbra was going to be for nothing if I made him endure this war. Tempering him down only to stir the heat of his anger again… how many times could I do that before he broke?

_Or I could help you. Save your Umbra from having to endure such pains._

He **knew** this. He knew exactly what to use to get to me. And I hated the fact that I was considering whatever he had to offer.

“What are you proposing?”


	3. Ultra Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umbra is at a loss as to where to find the Operator. A "friend" guides him to the answers he seeks.

Gone. Gone is Mote. To where is beyond me. I return from the Railjack, expecting to find her in her quarters, lying down or poking at one of her Noggles for amusement. Panic nibbles at the back of my mind like a hungry nest of ants on a fresh corpse at finding the room empty. Even the fish in her tanks seem perplexed by her absence.

Her cradle is the next. I find that empty too. Some time ago, I would not have found this troubling, but Mote has been expending effort for the past few weeks to see that my disposition is… _satisfactory_ . I’m appreciative of her attention, her drive to understand that I am not just one of her battle shells. The sign language, the endeavors on meaningless trips, the conversations… It’s comforting… _when I shouldn’t find it so_. She is Tenno. I am Warframe. That is how we should each remain.

The “father” within me continues to bellow, however, that nibbling panic becoming louder than my patience and ability to ignore insignificant emotions. If Mote had left the Orbiter, she would have said something.

Navigation is the last - and my final - place to search for her.

“Oh dear, oh dea- S͟h͞e͠ ͢de̸s̸e͜r̸t͟ȩd̵ ̸y̕ǫu̧ ̷j̛u҉s̴t ͏l͝i̡k̢ȩ ̕t͝h̢e̸ ̴r͞e̸s̨t̸,͜ ҉a̡ ͝fa͝i͏l̡e̡d͏ ̨C҉o̵ns̛t̨r̛u͝c̶t҉!͠ - where could she have gone?”

The Cephalon. Another remnant from _that time_. I’ve done my best to stay away from it, but it seems I have no choice now.

“I should have kept a better eye on - y̕o̡u͟r̶ o͝w͘n̕ a͞s̡s͜ ̡f̡o͟r͡ ͝o҉n̛c̸e͠,̷ ͠y̛o͝u̧ ͢b͜l̸i͢n͝d̷ ͘b̕u̧f͞f̛oo͝n̶ - phasial distortions through the roof! Ordis hasn’t seen anything like this since…”

My presence quiets the Cephalon’s mutterings, as if I’ve interrupted its thought processes. How much does it really know?

[Where is she?] I sign, not knowing any other form of communication. Silence is its response and the pit in my stomach begins to eat at my insides.

Then…

“I do not know, Warframe. She has not returned from her Railjack. Cephalon Cy reports - yo̴u͘ ̶t̴ŗu̵s͢t̨ ͝t҉h҉e҉ ̨m̛i̢n̵d͞ ̨ǫf͘ ͠t҉h̶a͢t̢ ̡w͠a̧r̢-̶f͡u̵e̶l͡e͘d͞ ͜f͞o̕o̷l̴?̨ - no longer there. Perhaps she… left a message in her quarters?”

[You know sign?] I gesture quickly.

“Of course. Ordis has been paying attention. I am _always_ watching. … … was that an invasion of privacy on Ordis’ part?”

That provides me with some amount of relief, that I won’t have to endure her absence completely alone. How helpful this Cephalon will be, however, remains to be seen.

[You said something about-...] I have no word for phasial, whatever that means. [Distortions.]

A minute skips by before Ordis replies again. Perhaps I’m going too fast for it.

“Yes. Of wavelengths Ordis has seen a f͡i̴s̡t͟f̢u͏l̷ of times before now. Many of them when the Operator… well, when the Operator went looking for you.”

Me? What could have possibly caused such a thing?

[What else can you tell me? What happened during those times?]

“Hmmm… The Operator… she would speak to the corners. Ordis thought she was merely voicing her opinions out loud...”

[But?]

“But now Ordis is not sure.”

I cannot blame the Cephalon for not knowing. It’s programmed with only one thing in mind. But that doesn’t make me any less frustrated.

[To the Void.]

“Beg your pardon?”

[Go to the Void.]

“Ordis does not take orders from a mere Warframe,” it scoffs in shock and horror.

In another life, I would have plunged my sword deep into the ship’s inner workings, quiet that infernal voice. But I know nothing about piloting ships. Instead, I can give it what it wants.

[Do you want your Operator back or not?]

* * *

I hate the energies of this place. Dancing through the air like sentient spiderwebs waiting for flies to enter their trap. They remind me of my undertakings. Ridding the galaxy of those who defied Ballas, who sought to-...

I shake the thought from my head. I don’t want to go back to that place, that time. I’m here to find Mote and nothing else. Where to start is the problem.

I return to the tree in my meditations, where we first became one. Underneath that blossoming tree where I stained my blade with that murderer’s rich blood. The glow of the moon in the distance… a place of revenge is slowly becoming a thing of peace for me.

My fingers run along the bark I know not to be real, but feels just as. Buds, barely pink, will soon unfurl and blossom, bathe the ground in their pink petals once the tree decides to shed them. Like old skin.

If only I could do the same.

Something stills my hand. The wind turning in a direction it isn’t supposed to. A twisting of the very air of this place, despite it only being a figment of my imagination.

_You wish to have your sweet firefly back._

The voice is Mote’s and not. Comes from within and around me all at the same time. I see no one, yet I feel…

 _Pretender_.

I turn back to the tree and find a spot of black on its pristine white bark. A rotten spot, threatening to kill the almost-blooming from the inside out.

The stain within. The Kuva has made her do… _something._

_It is of her own free will. It simply made her… more susceptible to suggestion. Strong-willed, that one._

I turn and draw my sword at the same time, slicing through the air in one fluid motion. I swear the voice was right behind me, tickling at my ear. No one could move that fast, not even a Sentient.

_You seek to take her back? What will you risk for her?_

Everything.

_Good. That’s exactly the answer I was looking for. Come. You will find her._

My eyes snap open and I feel the draw towards a single location in the Void. An old Orokin Tower. So my instincts were right...

* * *

_He is coming for you, thinking he can save you._

“I don’t need saving.”

_Well, you’ll have to prove that to him, won’t you? Stubborn Warframe…_

“... he is, isn’t he? I’ll make him listen.”

_I’m sure you will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the little Ordis cameo.


	4. G-Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to go back to chapter 3 and fix some things, so that this chapter should make more sense now. Sorry for not proofreading!

The once-pristine white walls come into view as the Orbiter found a good docking place on the Orokin Tower. Trimmed with gold, the illustrious buildings are now marred by decay and abandonment. To think the Orokin who used to be so proud, so high and mighty, proclaiming themselves the best of the galaxy. For their extinction to be a product of their own pride is almost laughable.

… I think I can remember the sensation… what it’s like to laugh.

These grand halls were filled with nothing but nefarious purposes, ideas and machinations designed to keep every other species beneath them. Which begs the question:

What is Mote doing here? And why would she come here without telling me? Many Orokin defences remain here, corrupted guard dogs protecting the property of their long-dead masters. What could she possibly…?

My heart rings a dull note at the sight of Teshin Dax through the Orbiter’s window, a reminder of what Issah could have become. Would he still be by my side, I wonder. What would he think of me?

Wisps of white dust flutter curl around my feet as I step off the ship. Another obstacle to overcome. Another life I may have to end. For Mote’s sake, I hope not.

“You are more of a fool than I thought you were,” he asks coldly. A proud man - _all Daxes are_ \- but harsher than I remember them - or I - being. Time can do that to a person. Or perhaps the loss of our numbers has made him this way.

Shoulders square back. Fists clench. Everything within me coils tight, ready to strike should he have ill intentions. Mote calls him friend. I do not believe him worthy of that title.

“You have come chasing dreams long since dead, Warframe. Go back to the ship and wait until your child needs you.”

Confusion and concern swaddle my anger and smother it. So he knows she is here. And yet he had no need to tell me. Nor does he seem concerned at all for her safety…

Metal slides against ceramic, his blade undone. I mirror his movements. First Tenet of the Dax: never unsheathe your blade unless you intend to use it. Which means he doesn’t intend to let me through.

The Second Tenet is that your blade may never meet scabbard until it has found its purpose.

A celebratory knot twists in my stomach at the meeting of our blades. Long has it been since I’ve sparred with another worthy enough. How unfortunate to find such joy in these circumstances.

My foot finds his stomach, sends him skidding back, and I deliver another strike. Much faster than I anticipated, he blocks my attack, single-handed as his arm cradles his stomach. Impressive. But not good enough.

A kick to the face sends him sprawling to the dust, clouds of white following after. I give him no chance to recover. Arms and head thrown back, I let out a blood curdling scream and am on him again before his sight returns, my blade finding the meat of his shoulder. I haul him towards the Orbiter to throw him inside before he can find the strength to struggle, blood trickling down metal in a life-ebbing stain. I save him for Mote’s sake and nothing else.

In the middle of tapping a few buttons on the exterior access panel to lock the ship up, I hear the scrape of metal against metal. He is trying to claw his way out.

“... understood, Warframe,” the construct chimes in. “Though I cannot ensure he will remain contained. Ordis will b̂r͌͝e͘ak͗͝ ̛̂hi̓͡s͆ ̊̈́l̋ȅ͒gs̓̐ ̇i̊f̋ ́I ̀hảv͂e̅ ̚t̅͋o.”

I nod silently and depart. I have no other choice but to trust its word.

* * *

“Open this confounding door, construct.” Teshin Dax bared his blade at Ordis’ holographic projection, threatening to cut his circuitry clean through.

“The Warframe requested that you remain here and Ordis, for one, agrees with him.”

“That Warframe is a mere tool.”

“What you call a tool has been more helpful in keeping the Operator safe than you have, Teshin Dax. Do you stand nearby and watch over her nightmares? Do you listen to her silent sobs when she believes she’s alone? What have you done to show her any compassion, y̍̿ou͂̚ ͗as͒͆-! -sumer?”

Teshin lowered his blade and returned it to its scabbard. It was futile to try and cut his way through the hull of the ship.

“She requires training. A lesson in how the world works, that it is not kind and will not care for her moments of weakness.”

“ _She is a child_. A child made to endure the death of her parents, to see things that could only be dreamed up in nightmares. Things that even you had to be rescued from. She is deserving of your respect, not your belittlement. And that Warframe treats her as such. Perhaps you could learn a thing or two from him.”

Teshin’s mouth twisted to one side in disbelief and annoyance, though his shoulders slacked in defeat.

“I’m surprised you would side with the creature.”

“Do not misunderstand me, Dax. Ordis is siding with whatever makes the Operator most happy.”

“As am I,” Teshin retorted. “The child requested my protection. You think I came here of my own volition? She confided her concerns about this Warframe, that it may be a losing battle to try and save it.”

“... strange,” Ordis sighed. “The last we saw of her, well, it was more than three days ago. She did not return from the Railjack.”

“... three days ago is when she first contacted me to discuss her concerns.” He touched at his chin in thought, his teeth worrying the inside of his cheek. “Perhaps there is something else at play here.” Teshin turned towards the door again, but Ordis refused to open it.

“Whatever it is, you are already involved. And coerced, so it seems. It may be safer for you here.”

The Dax soldier grumbled, knowing he couldn’t cut his way out nor could he reason with the Cephalon. He was going to have to remain on the sidelines for this one and hope for the best.

And if not, there were other Tenno he could train.

* * *

_Run, little proto-Frame. Believe yourself a hero before you find your death at the hands of your saviour._

* * *

I feel the walls closing in around me as I continue through the disheveled buildings. Any sign of her is all I need to breathe a sigh of relief, to know that my efforts aren’t for nought. It comes sooner than I expect when I see Mote standing before me. As calm as when we’d last spoke. I expect a smile on her face, some relief that she hadn’t been forgotten. Instead, I see… _nothing_ . I tell myself it’s the shock from _whatever_ took her and that her mind is merely recovering. It’s the only conclusion that makes sense.

A mistake, I quickly learn.

A blast of Void energy sends me skidding back, almost forces me to one knee. I lift my head to see Mote’s raised hand, aglow with renewed power to deliver another strike. I act before I think, darting forward on impulse and colliding with their small form. She tries to phase out, but is a second too late, and we skid down the steps together. Before the bottom, she wrestles out of my grasp and vaults herself back onto her feet.

Pretender, I sign, believing this to be another trick. I have to make sure

No, she replies quickly before she goes ephemeral once more. I know not where she is, but the flames she leaves behind in her wake, burning at the iron-skin, makes it easy to figure out her path. She darts past me again and it is at the end of that trail that I grab for air. Mote rematerialized before me, my fingers wrapped around her throat.

It wasn’t that long ago I would’ve had no qualms twisting the vertebrae apart with a simple squeeze. To hear her lungs empty what air remains and feel her go limp in my grasp.

I hesitate. And she exploits my weakness.

The burn of her Void energies washes over my face, forcing my grip free. Her sinister smile leaves me confused. I thought we had come to an understanding. I thought…

I should have known better.

The end of my scabbard finds the ground, and javelins of energy pierce her to the nearby wall. It’s enough to stun her and put some distance between us, enough to give me space to think. No, no thinking. Instincts are all that will keep me alive now. I dash across the room and pin my arm against her neck, the other ripping that infernal amp from her forearm. Her fingers claw at the iron-skin, to no avail. I feel her pulse reverberating beneath my grip, erratic and desperate. Growing weaker by the second.

I may have to break my own promise.


	5. White Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of MitW's machinations finally come to a head.

I’m supposed to be awake. I’m supposed to be awake and breathing and living a life instead of sleeping in a coffin.

The coffin she put me in.

The coffin she pulled me out of.

That first taste of fresh air had been alarming, being pulled out of that dream and shown what had happened to the galaxy during my slumber. Her soft voice had lulled me into a sense of security, that everything would be fine with her watching over me.

Completely forgetting she was the one who’d built that coffin in the first place.

Harlot. Betrayer. Deceiver. Witch. A charlatan of two lives, of two names, of two minds. Two sides of the same coin, Janus of a mother (mother!), looking both ways except at the present.

The present where I find myself once more, enveloped in the embrace of madness. Not a dream, but a nightmare. A nightmare I don’t want to wake from.

Rap. Tap. Tap.

My heart against my ribs, slow and calculating, methodical in its chosen rhythm, yearning for that poisonous air to end it all.

I should be sleeping.

* * *

I pressed my hand to the Defiler’s face and released all of my Void energy into his face, anything to get his grip off my neck. I barely registered the fall to my knees and the pain that followed as I clawed at my throat, bruised and aching. Even the dusty air of this place tasted as sweet as that after a summer rain.

“Useless,” I wheezed, gathering up what energies I could summon before the Defiler is on me again.

Not for what you need, he gestured back at me. He stood only a few feet away, close enough that he could have sank his blade into me if he wanted to. Then why hasn’t he…?

“And what would that be? Your comforting embrace? Your missed opportunity to be a  _ real _ father for a child that’s not yours?” I cackled amidst the coughing as I dragged myself up to my feet. “Tell me, Warframe, what is it that you think I need?”

Something black and angry bubbled up within me as I waited for his answer. Like thick, tarry syrup oozing through every artery and capillary, and twisting them up into a knotted ball of blood vessels. And something about it feels  _ so satisfying _ .

No more concerns.

No more keeping the peace.

Just giving myself over to the Powers that be.

_ That’s how it’s supposed to be. How it was  _ **_always_ ** _ supposed to be. You, the apprentice, with your tools of war, doing your bidding for us. Keeping the galaxy safe. For us. This was all you were meant to be. _

I did.  _ We _ did. And then…

_ And then she filled your head with nonsense. Made you think you had more purpose within you. Look at the price she paid for her idiocy. _

I vanished into my own warped bubble of Void and dashed forward, colliding into the Defiler with a rupturing of purple fire. He barely moved but it was enough to take him by surprise. Still, he didn’t draw his blade.

_ Wipe him away and everything can be whole again. _

“Tell me!!”

I raised my hands to blast him back. Large calloused fingers wrapped around my wrists and twisted them almost to the point of breaking. That look in his pitiful eye held no malice. Such a fool, thinking he can sway me over with emotion.

_ Save him through death. _

I drove my forehead into that fleshy opening, into that dull white eye, convinced he has all the power. His grip didn’t loosen, but there was a flicker of annoyance in the wrinkled meat where his brow should be. How dare he touch me. How dare he think himself above me!

“He… lies…”

A grotesque sound stuttered out of him like the rusty wheel of a train on broken tracks. It shouldn’t matter, the voice in the back of my head whispered, and yet  _ it does _ . Deep within my bones, I felt… something. Something strong enough to still my struggle in his grasp.

_ Don’t listen _ .  _ Finish him _ .

The voice was desperate. Almost pleading. Why, I don’t know. Was it afraid of something?

“Isaah…”

I knew that name. I knew that name from somewhere.

“Still your tongue, beast,” I commanded.

“Ballas…” His grip tightened, forced me to my knees. Heat radiated from him like the deep underground canyons of Mars, and I knew then I was losing ground.

Then everything went black.

* * *

I watch as the taint dances up her skin, black-red clawed fingers reaching up from under her collar and pulling at her face. It twists and contorts, an inkling of fear in her stare as she tries to fight it off, but not for long. The ichor disappears into her open mouth and eyes, and I can see the change taking her over.

And then those piercing orange eyes are staring at me once more. The Pretender, but not. Her. But not. One and the Other, together in one body.

* * *

_ Y̻̊ō̢̨̕u̳͡ thinǩ̯ y̳̝̔͝o̼̘͘ũ̠ h͔̉à̖ve͂ͅ t͇͐h̦̕ě̱ p̱̼͋̅ow͉̚e͚̊r̪̚ ḧ͎̻́er̥͌ẻ͜?͕̈́ You͖̎ t͜ḩ͒i̮͠n̨̲̓͘k̽ͅ y̹̮͒̄ou̱̎ c̲͠a̘̔n͍̆ ta̩̺͌͠k͖͒e me͍̍ j̣͌ų͡s͈͊t͓́̆͜ b̗̔e̢̐caũ̢̳̾s̛̙e y͚͐o̪̿ụ̋ w̢̩̉̑e̳͖̾̎r̮̍e̫͔̾͠ t͚h̡̼͊̕ë̩́ fi͚͝rs̨̿t?̹̈̕͜?̗̐͂͢! Yỏ̳̜̐u a̩͆r̬̼̐̿e͙̮͌̌ nő͕ṱ̄ȟ̞ị̇ň̝̟̒g̹̪̏̓ b̠̐u̖͐t ą͌n̗̆ inse̞͂ct!̻̆ _

My/Our hand wrapped around his throat and I/We could feel something breaking. A single bulging eye and a choked scream. Pointless. Useless. Powerless. Hands dug into My/Our wrists. For naught. Even with the resistance, I/We knew it wouldn’t be long before Umbra would break. A shame/How delightful. What a waste/What a reward. I wish I could.../We want him to suffer.

A stinging pinch swelled from My/Our ribs and I/We looked down to discover the hilt of blade protruding from My/Our sternum.

_ N̝͌͞ͅo m͐ͅat̯t̡͓̓̒er͓̓.̮͑ H͓̆e s̗̣̾͂t̹̒i͎̎l̮̋͌͜l̝͜͝ d̬̆ḯ̜̒͟e͋͜s t̘͂oday. _

_ It shouldn’t be me. We shouldn’t be like this. I don’t want this to… I don’t want this! _

I pressed my head to the foggy windows I’m watching everything through, watching as The Man in the Wall gets exactly what he wants, listening to his conniving cackling fill my head. And I continued to be powerless to stop him. I accepted his help, thinking it would keep Umbra safe, but that wasn’t his intention at all. What he wanted was to see us ruin each other. To rip the bandages we’d work so hard to plaster onto our wounds and watch us bleed out. For amusement or for some other purpose, I’ll never know. Nor did I care. I just wanted to get out of here.

I slid to the ground once the blade was removed. I thought the pain would be wracking but I felt nothing. A blessing in disguise, maybe. Still, Man in the Wall continued to laugh. With my voice. Is that what I really sounded like?

Maybe I’ll ask him when I wake up.

* * *

A one-way street, this Transference. A fail-safe meant to keep me out. But I am not like them, not like the empty vessels.

I flick the blood from my blade and replace it. Watch as Mote clutches at her chest, wheezing and coughing sprinkles of red onto the ground. Still, those defying orange eyes stare up at me. Delaying the inevitable. He knows I can’t end her, so he’s waiting for her body to die. And I can’t let that happen.

I drop to my knees and press my gesturing hand to her arm. Last and first finger, and a thumb, extending outwards. She knows. If she’s in there, she knows.

Confusion and villainy radiate from those orange eyes.

* * *

The hand against my leg is familiar. I know it. I should know it. I search my thoughts to a time when-...  _ there _ !

My hand found his and returned the gesture against his forearm. Our secret. Unspoken. Unseen, as everything around me faded to black.

It hurt so goddamn much.

* * *

_ As it should, Child of the Void. And that’s why you will always lose. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, let me apologize for this chapter jumping all over the place. I was trying to give it a chaotic feel of moving back and forth between thoughts during a hectic situation, so I'm sorry if that's hard to follow.  
> Second, sorry if this feels rushed. I've been stuck on this chapter for months, not knowing where to make it go, and decided that it would be best to just do a stream-of-consciousness to get it done.  
> The last chapter is an epilogue to tie things up. Thanks for sticking with me this long.


	6. Epilogue: Effervescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Operator and Umbra have a small "heart-to-heart" without the right words.

When I awoke, my tongue was dry and tasted of slime mold and asphalt. My eyes burned and every inch of my body ached. A shame, because I knew I needed to get up. If I didn’t, I’d end up aspirating on the stomach juices bubbling within me like an angry lava pit.

I barely made it to the bathroom in time. Bile burned my throat, the stench burned my nostrils. It seemed today would be for nothing else but pain.

A heavy hand rested on my back, gently rubbing in circles. I didn’t have to look to know who it was.

“You will get through this,” the stern voice echoed dully off the small walls of the bathroom. “We will be here for you.”

Teshin Dax had never offered a word of comfort before, which told me just how terrifying the past few days must have been for him. _Huh_. A Dax, feeling scared. I’d laugh if the thought of it didn’t make me want to puke again.

As I rinsed the sour taste out of my mouth, I caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror. A fading bruise on the exposed part of his jaw. My eyebrow quirked in silent question.

“Your... _guardian_ saw to that.” Teshin cleared his throat and folded his arms behind his back. “He’s outside, meditating.”

 _He_. Not _it_.

I chew back on the smile threatening to expose itself.

* * *

Throat burns. Aches. I should not have tried to speak with the tools that are no longer there.

Cool, quiet thoughts. I think of the snow beneath my legs. Pure. White. Cleansed. A shame I can’t feel their chill.

The ringing of feet against metal steps behind me. Something within me curls up. Shame? Regret? I can’t put a word to it. I can’t because I do not know what Mote will say.

 _I told her_. _I confessed_. An overstep. Surely I’ll be chastized for such a transgression.

Small hands on my shoulders ground me, pull me back from those thoughts. Draw me back to that place I hate, a place I thought I had changed for the better.

“You will not lose me that easily,” she signs beneath the scattering petals. My gaze shifts to the glaring, judgemental moon. What comforting words can I offer to a child so frail yet so strong at the same time?

“I am afraid,” I gesture back. Another admittance. I lost one so easily by my own hand. I grew close to losing another due to my negligence. Where does the fine balance lay?

“Me too.” Her gaze also turns to Lua.

“Another thing we have in common, then.”

“Good. Then we can conquer it together.”

“Like last time. Like Ballas.”

It doesn’t make me feel better, this dancing around words to avoid the truth. But it’s what we have for now, and it will have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this small idea of mine and I'm glad for those who enjoyed the journey along the way. This epilogue was written in one sitting, so I apologize for any typos/mistakes made since there was no proofreading.

**Author's Note:**

> Screenshots included in this work were staged and taken by me. I in no way own any of the characters within this work.


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